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HOW TO KEEP AWAY FROM PRE-MARITAL SEX

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JOY SUN




Dedication

One more yellow Sun for my dawn. A walk to destiny begins here.















TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1
WHAT IS PRE-MARITAL SEX?

CHAPTER 2
WHY DO PEOPLE INDULGE IN PRE-MARITAL SEX? ARE THEIR EXCUSES TENABLE? AND HOW CAN IT BE OVERCOMED?

CHAPTER 3
ARE THE EXCUSES FOR PRE-MARITAL SEX BY ANY MEANS TENABLE?

CHAPTER 4
HOW TO OVERCOME PRE-MARITAL SEX

CHAPTER 5
WHY DO PEOPLE MARRY LATE AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO AVOID THIS?

CHAPTER 6
HOW LONG CAN YOU WAIT BEFORE YOU MARRY?

CHAPTER 7
HOW TO PREVENT PRE-MARITAL FRUSTRATIONS.



Keep your future; it is worth viewing in the album of life.

“And he was squeaky clean” - Billy Graham.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” Prov. 31:10.

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CHAPTER

WHAT IS PRE-MARITAL SEX?

“Pre” is a prefix which means “before” or “ahead of that which is intended or meant”; Prior to the actual; of an event occurring before an actually expected one. Pre-marital sex therefore is an act of an unmarried person, lying in any form or way, whether with or without penetration, with another person, object or creature, with the aim of deriving sexual pleasure or giving it. It is sinful and is not without consequences. It also embraces and involves any such acts providing sexual pleasure such as masturbation, homosexuality, bestiality, lust or any form of sexual involvement involving a person of the concerned status.

In the real sense of it, no one wants to get associated with a whore. They may hire them for their base intents but those who deal with them do so shamefacedly and secretly. Anybody can safely predict the future of a whoremonger or womanizer, and it is usually packed filled with ills, bruises and psychological wounds, which at times may last for a lifetime, causing more damage to the person involved, and eternal regrets.

It is indeed overbearing in the natural sense to ever suggest, at the world’s pace in evil lanes, that anyone who is about the puberty age, beyond or less, should stay away from sex of any kind until marriage. Sexual activities have become so rampant that it now seems like the next “casualty tea” to the world on its doomed pursuit, with no fear or shame whatsoever. The issue here is that the individual is not yet legally married. Granted, they may be in courtship or may be friends. The situation at stake rather calls for an answer to a more pressing question which has been found to be a reason for pre-marital sexual activities -“Why do people stay long before getting married?” The reasons are numerous, spanning from the socio-economic to the spiritual. But I think the reason has always been lack of preparation, whatever the underlying apparent factor. If you clear your obstacles early enough, whatever they may be, because life is time, you should arrive at your destination sooner. Throwing your effort into clearing obstacles is time-based and can only be done successfully if you bear this in mind. In consideration of this, I will devote a section of this book to that. But my major concern will be on how you as an unmarried person can stay away from the unwholesome practice of engaging in sex while yet unmarried.


I UNDERSTAND YOUR STRESS; GOD DOES BETTER.

The human body which houses the mind is a compatibility of functions. From how your nervous system works in helping you recall or think to our daily appetite for food, everything is properly arranged. Biologically, the human system is said to work based on the aid of an inbuilt, albeit intangible clock that hints us of our daily needs and responses. One of those needs is the need for sex; getting to have an affair with a person of the opposite sex. But as far as humanity and God are concerned, this follows rules. The dignity of the human existence does not allow for haphazard or tumble-jumble responses, except you live in the stone-age. It is even found that civilization has not been a function of what time man lived, but of the effect of the Spirit and presence of God in the activities of human beings at whatever time, which is why the likes of David and Solomon, were regardless of their time, the most literate of people who ever lived, with David writing the best acrostic poem known, Psalm 119, with it complexity of Alphabetic declension and mono-theme stress of God’s word – “THE LAW OF THE LORD, THE JUDGMENT, THE TRUTH, THE WORD, THE TESTIMONIES, THE COMMANDMENTS, THE PRECEPTS, THE STATUTES, AND KNOWLEDGE” IN EACH LINE. SO, PERAPHS YOU DID NOT COME THIS WAY TO WASTE DESTINY; NOT YOU; BY ALL MEANS, NEVER.

What we term as emotions or the drive to fulfill human needs or react in some way in response to things that affect us, first crop up as impulses. Impulses are signals we receive through the specialized nervous circuitry in our sense organs, which are transported to our Nervous System for interpretation for adequate action to fulfill a need, such as stepping away from a hot or sharp object when one is in contact with or hurt by them.


IMPULSES ARE TO MODERATE NOT RULE OUR LIVES

The Bible is very clear on its position on a life that is ruled by impulsiveness or “emotions”. Listen to this: “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, and without walls.” Prov.25:28
My best explanation for the trinity of the human being (i.e. the existence of the soul, spirit and body as one entity, making a man) is that of a person controlling a car to a destination. The soul which is the real You with all its thinking faculties and capabilities to lead and to decide, sits before the steers. This is the mind and it has one primary responsibility of leading the trio to where they are bound. The spirit is comparable to the car engine that makes action or movement possible, while the body goes for the chassis. Just as it is an established fact that a car cannot safely operate on its own to a safe desired destination (for now), your body and spirit can attain nothing without the primary effort of the soul in piloting their affairs.
The picture of the man in the text above is that of a premise with its fence broken down. The first likely thing to happen is to be taken chance of by thieves.

THIEVES
Applying this to an individual who cannot control their sex urges, the first people to invade them are thieves – sex thieves. And this happens everyday. The sex thieves who are people they permit into their lives, and who are like them, first get one strong point established – THAT THEY ARE WIYTHOUT CONTROL. When they are certain of this, they then know that these people are free, cheap and vulnerable markets for them which they can invade always freely. Sex thieves are all about the place, and they are looking out for one more lose lady; one more handsome boy who doesn’t have an ambition. Wisdom therefore requires that you must firmly be in control of your life’s ship to avoid any undoing of these sex thieves who usually ride on the wings of one’s carelessness.

PESTS (DISEASES AND SICKNESSES)

The next thing to happen to unkempt, open vicinity will be the attack of pests. Little wonder then why God put Adam in the garden and charged him to “dress it and keep it”. Gen. 2:15. You must keep what you have, be it virginity, beauty or handsomeness. It is your work to dress your life. When you are careless, you lose chances to sex thieves who will usually invade with one dangerous gang – sicknesses and diseases. Just as rodents will have a party on an insecure banana, in an abandoned apartment so also, anybody who keeps their lives open to unauthorized persons will come down with diseases and sicknesses.

DESTRUCTION

Dilapidation is the natural sequence of the state of a house without care after the thieves have had a fair deal on the louvers, doors and furniture. Just as sex-givers and takers will come freely, sicknesses will also come in a traffic, without control. The delicate thing about humans is that our bodies are a delicate chemical set-up and any unneeded alteration in this unique and fragile masterpiece of chemical arrangement or structure can bring any chaos imaginable. Taking in of contaminated blood or body fluid in sexual intercourse will definitely result in disease, as it is proven that the elastic condoms used by most persons in sexual intercourse contain holes of about 0.05mm diameter from which blood or body fluids can escape to other parties. And times of diseases are times when no one else but God is needed most. Think about it. Have you ever been into a situation where only God could help you? This is how those trapped in health, especially terminal health cases feel. And remedy may not always be available. But the truth is that most persons are moving in that direction already due to promiscuous living. It does no one any good to come to the sudden haunting reality of having to quit life so soon due to a mistake… a mistake and nothing more; and an avoidable mistake! So many people have gone this way already due to unvalued enticements, a moment spent rolling on an unqualified lady’s body or the deceptive minutes of lying with a man or boy you do not know. Probably, if you had gone through the right steps, you would have found a fault and avoided it timely without costly penalties, which is never the case with quick, hidden and unlicensed, therefore unsafe, precarious acts. The worst comes when the whole human ensemble of perfectly anti-sickness industry crumbles to a viral infection, leaving the individual helpless. YOU WOULD MOSTLY FIND HELPLESSNESS SPELT ON THE FACES OF SUCH PEOPLES. OH MAN, WHAT CAUSES HELPLESSNESS! HELPLESSNESS IS CAUSED BY HUMAN NEGLECT OF CAUTION OR WARNING. And it is only worthless to become helpless after boldly ignoring caution in the first place, which is handy help on its own.

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CHAPTER



WHY DO PEOPLE INDULGE IN PRE-MARITAL SEX? ARE THEIR EXCUSES TENABLE? AND HOW CAN IT BE OVERCOME?


SEXUAL URGE

“Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry. But if he is found, he must restore seven fold; he must give the whole substance of his house”.Prov.6:30
That a personality of high profile or reputation steals does change the psychology of the act. It still remains valid as stealing and would be interpreted to be the same dehumanizing act. The truth about it is that no matter how it might be covered by identity, title or repute, people will not ignore the action. The same applies to pre-marital sex. That an individual breaks the rules of virginity does not make them special virgins, nor does it rule out the consequence of such an act before God.

Our urges, desires and thoughts must be brought under full check constantly as we live, if we desire success. It is true that PEOPLE WHO FALTER IN SEX-RELATED ISSUES, ALWAYS FALTER FIRST IN THEIR MINDS. Your mind should only be a tool to lead you to your expected success and not to chaos or avoidable trouble, and your body should not be your lord. It is an undisputable fact that although people may mess up sexually, there have always been and will be people who keep to their fidelity before marriage. This is where the gap between the fool and the wise is wider than the ocean, because in it all, the fools always eat their cakes and never have it. If men have tamed animals before including carnivorous or rather wild animals, then human urges can be tamed to human benefits. Anyone who falters in the control of their sexual urges simply means that they are still under aged and cannot control or manage their ability to control wetting themselves by urine or egesting, which are also emotional or urgent responses. (This author understands the place and effect of sexual urges to other involuntary responses from the human nervous circuitry, but despite this, dignity of the human is at stake here and must, and can be preserved). If you meet an elderly man or lady who messes themselves regularly without control, they are probably faking their age or are sick. That is where you know a child and a man or woman; one who has a biscuit heart and one who’s got bone stuff. Nearly everyone on the planet is at war with these urges but a wise man is rated by how much he or she can best tame their urges. There is no answer to the question of urges than one old dreaded school master that is never friendly but does the best good to anyone, namely discipline. Besides “With God all things are possible”. Have the God-mindset and you will be above, shinning successfully pending when you marry. May God help you to keep and control yourself and mind to a wholly beneficial end before you see the man or woman of your life. Amen. But this does not rule out effort. Effort must still be put in place to achieve this. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.” Prov. 4: 23. Your heart must be the most secured territory you have, because it is a propellant of your success or ultimate failure. The issue of age is completely out of place as only competence is required and he (she) that controls his (her) urges “is better than the MIGHTY; and he (she) that ruleth his (her) spirit, [is more] than he that taketh a city.”Prov.16:32 .It is a matter of both “small and great, stand(ing) before God…(where) the books (of record will be) opened. It is not your mightiness but your wits that counts. Achievements will receive only little thought if there is failure on this aspect. Honor will be seriously questioned and repute despised. It seems to me success in this aspect is where almost all of life’s achievement is hinged. The scripture again states “keep thy heart with all diligence (Carefulness. “Keep” is a verb and requires action); For out of it are the issues (sorrows or gains) of life” Prov. 4:23.

BEAUTY OR HANDSOMENESS

I like to address people from a wholly original point of view so that they are able to come to terms with what is real, rather than deal with an oblique, inexistent Utopia of ideas. One reason why unmarried people indulge in pre-marital sex is because of their esteemed value of beauty or handsomeness. And for goodness’ sake beauty and handsomeness should be a blessing rather than a curse. Never reason it out that not indulging in pre-marital sex translates as a waste of these virtues. For instance, to a well established, married lady or guy with a lovely family, or anyone else at that who keeps themselves neat, beauty or handsomeness should be a plus. But it will never be ideal or yet then sensible, if one’s chase of beauty leads to grave consequences. In that case, beauty or handsomeness would not have been used advantageously. And for goodness’ sake what we possess should afford us peace and satisfaction rather than ills. A commodity or resource mishandled, like beauty or handsomeness, will always cause tears and undoing. The Nation of Nigeria for instance still cries under the value of what it has due to misuse. Beauty or handsomeness is a natural resource and should not cause a natural disaster to us. And sadly, the ills that are associated with careless squandering of beauty are always the unpalatable, death or haunting sorrows. THE TRUTH OF LIFE REQUIRES THAT CERTAIN THINGS ARE BEST APPRECIATED BY SIGHT, TOUCH, TASTE, HEARING, OR FAITH, OR THEY WILL DEPRECIATE. THERE IS NO SUCH THING IN ALL THE WORLDS OF HUMAN AESTHETICS AS “EXPLOITED BEAUTY”. SUCH TERMINOLOGIES ARE WILD AND ARE ONLY CHARACTERISTIC OF THE BASE LEVEL OF HUMAN OPERATION WE HAVE PRESENTLY, AND THE SMARTNESS OF CERTAIN PEOPLE ON OTHERWISE UNSMART ONES. “EXPLOITED (HUMAN) BEAUTY” SHOULD GO FOR SPOILT OR CORRUPT BEAUTY. BEAUTY IS INTANGIBLE, AND WE CAN’T USE IT AS THE ELEMENTS. WHEN WE GO ON A MAD CHASE ON BEAUTY, WE OFTEN LOSE. What you own should be a blessing to you. When this happens, it is an indication you are using your brain. We do not put in $1 into a business for instance, and expect 20 cents. If this happens, we are running at a loss and are not good or profitable managers of what we have. Beauty and handsomeness are resources and the best places they find expression are in family life and health. Your beauty will only be relevant if you are healthy. Be ware.
As a matter of fact, if your beauty does not get a man committed to you as a lady up to the point of marrying or settling with you, it is valueless and you are at a loss. That is, it has failed to achieve its natural purpose. If they can’t get to this point, they don’t need you, probably; they need what you possess. Beauty whether physical or in character should be enough to pin down a young man to his words who needs to profit from it. If it took Jacob fourteen years of service to serve for Rachael and a summary of twenty years of service to attain his goal, getting committed to a lady for who she is to you should rather be meager dough. Anything short of this is a scammer’s many-sided labyrinth. And you can’t be that cheap for another turn. Or you should be a flattered, fallen hero who walks away without a reward.




LURES OR ENTICEMENTS

Drinks become wine and short off allowances dowries, when the right things are done.

By all standards and by all human reasonable positions available, whenever a person (often of the other sex) comes fondling about you, they want sex. Most people may argue on this, but it is actually the individuals’ minds betraying them through their actions. Friendliness of the opposite sex can never be separated from this. It is one generic truth that what the person of the other sex wants though unvoiced, is that simple three letter word, no matter how they deny it. It will only be a blind argument to wrest on opposition about what generations of humanity have come to know as established truth. Rather, we should see how to use known facts to help ourselves wherever possible.

Whenever a guy or lady begins to get close to you, and to offer helps which are either seemingly innocent or which are otherwise suspicious, they usually need more than what they portray. AND IT IS AT YOUR OWN DISPOSITION TO DECIDE TO TELL THEM IF THAT IS THEIR RIGHT STOP OR NOT.
Apart from the attendant luring lust which is always a factor, people who fall into pre-marital sex get brain-washed by sex pranks. When these people who lure them are finished and their aims achieved, they either seek to play more on their unintelligence by promises or helps – or simply leave them alone. As with all cases, studies have always shown that this was what they needed. So, when they get it, they go or simply manipulate to get more. And you will tell them such brainless girls or boys do not exist by tracking them down to a commitment. Honestly, this is what every sincere lady seeks to see as her fulfilled dream; when parents have been met, positions (or oppositions) settled, cash moved from one right people to relevant or appropriate persons, and solidarities consolidated. Security would have been established. This way, you are protected as a guy’s or lady’s behaviors are more or less checked by their family members or elders. That way, they will feel insecure to take the wrong decision, and you stand to gain. Not by the cheap deals with a stranger who makes away the following morning leaving behind a heartache, untold woes and an unmarried life. So when next they come with their drinks, direct them to your elders and get the touch of how values are treated; you will most certainly find that a cheap bottle of drink or little secretly granted allowance translate properly as a costly “ bottle of wine”, a dowry, security and the attendant peace of mind.



PROMISES

As I have told you, no one wanting to have you on bed really cares about your worth or your value after then. They will certainly never care about you after then. It is characteristic of greedy people. It is Like taking a meal and carelessly dropping the plate unwashed and zooming off, simply because their primary aim, which is gratification, and not care for that which served them, is derived. If their promises such as ultimately marrying you or becoming a suitor or friend are to come on the condition that you go to bed with them, then they are probably not interested in you or your value after then. Certainly, your value will be diminished and that makes for the reason why most men never marry the ladies they slept with before marriage. At such a point, no amount of promises should make you shift grounds on your decision. The traits of infidelity are well predictable and can be tracked. Pre-marital sex is wrong. If they expect you to do something wrong, they are driven by the wrong reason and the next step they will usually take after then will be wrong – like abandoning you or not keeping to their promise. Do not be taunted or deceived. There are nine planets in the universe for now. These planetary bodies have predictable behaviors with respect to their positions from the sun. Similarly, the behaviors of human beings are well established trends in human history and do not change. No one should be that deceived to feel they will be the ones to change them. Whenever the foundation of a building is bad, the whole structure is faulty and will collapse. This simple but valuable knowledge will save you from so many avoidable, unpalatable experiences. And you will be glad you never gave in to those promises which have ended many at abysmally worse conditions. They are always easy to make, quick, thoughtless, fabulous and untrue promises.

TO GET MY GUY OR LADY COMMITTED

The sad truth about this decision is that these people forget that their relationships are insecure on the average without following appropriate modalities, so they soon find that we live in a world of choices – people are just as free as they want to when they need what they gorra get, especially if they don’t have one that is legally binding. People would change their minds if they find alternatives they feel are better if the existing ones are not legally binding. That way, you find that one’s taste and sense of choice moderates their decisions, which should have otherwise been checked by appropriate or legal, relevant measures, which is the saddest thing a Bachelor or Spinster would least expect to hear. When you let the right people such as parents, family elders of you and your friend or suitor know what is going on in your lives, you put a lock and custody on your relationship. The Bible says that the Jews tied their asses before leaving for worship on Sabbath days. That way, they did not lose them. So, I feel you should also tie your ass so as not to lose it. All the measures undergone in marriage rites are a form of tying your ass. Usually, when people find they have invested a great deal in a marriage commitment, they don’t get drifted by unserious distractions. If a man for instance, fears to spend money on you as pertains to introduction rites as a lady, they won’t marry you. People soon abandon people they are verbally committed to and with ease, when they find the big shots. And they do so on one point – there is really nothing to lose in terms of finances or elderly voices of their families whom they fear. That would mean your relationship was between you and them alone, without any other elderly party of filial relation, which is senseless. People get threatened if elderly filial stakeholders of theirs get involved in what they do. They usually do not want to offend them as the implication is far weightier than to be overlooked. NO MATTER HOW RECALCITRANT OR FREE ONE MAY CHOOSE TO BE, THEY HAVE A HOME AND BEAR SOME PEOPLES’ NAMES, WHOM THEY REPRESENT.
Often, I feel so bored about the ease with which young men put off ladies whom they have gone to bed with or even impregnated. IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY DO SO EVERY OFTEN BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE WERE NOT LEGALLY (THIS INCLUDES FILIAL ELDERS’ INVOLVEMENT) BOUND TO THEM. It seems to me that the fear of an elder somewhere who means much to them is your primary security, without which you are as good as another choice. So, to say you can have someone take you to bed so as to get committed to you afterwards is to build on a faulty foundation. Almost always, as a rule, they will never get committed. They only need aggrandizement for the moment. I have heard a guy make this statement of a lady whom he impregnated, that he had “firmly” agreed with her, that he will not marry her prior to the act, should she get pregnant afterwards, which truly occurred. Now, imagine the cruelty of a deal where one party alone gets favored. Besides, this character flaw predicts a negative future where they will fail on delivery of their promises. “Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? Not one.” Job 14:4. Not even you. If they want you on bed to want you later, they want you for the now and not later.

UNPROVEN MYTHS

There is no mountain anywhere. Every man’s ignorance is his mountain. -Bishop D.O.Oyedepo

There are lies flying all about the place and they are spread and sown by those who seek your hurt. Nobody carries a rumor they don’t gain from. At times the ingredients of what they spread, like someone’s failure, could just be what satisfy them. Most of these lies are myths that are completely inexistent but taunts used to get the unguarded and uninformed, which is the reason it is always safe to consult an expert about any position in circulation to be safe and sure of your stance, in case you’re in doubt. Go to them and hear what they have to say. You will find that in most cases, their positions as health or other professionals will align with what is reasonable and true, rather than scare you as rumors will do. This way you have an authority to quote or rely on. One of such lies is that virgins are usually sickly. The second is that they encounter difficulties in child bearing and birth. These are lies and are peddled by those who feel they can have a cheap way to virgins. For one, you do not get sick except you contact a bacteria or virus, or experience stress or worrying. If you keep yourself clean and avoid contact with undue sources of illness and avoid stress or worrying, it is almost impossible to contact an illness, except it is spiritually caused, which simply means that it is beyond the physical (This author believes in the spiritual and its role in the general human existence). It is possible and true that a virgin can get sick due to worry about their unmarried condition, where they fail to prepare and walk consistently at achieving their marriage. Other than that, these positions are untrue. They are only assertions meant to scare and are geared at making you lose focus and fall cheaply to their carrots. Don’t be misguided. Study, read relevant books, listen to tapes, watch any available video or DVD’s that may be of help regularly, consult with medical experts and keep abreast of information. It is almost certain never to deceive a person who knows where they are going and have the right information.

NOT TO FEEL ILLETRATE OR DEJECTED

“And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man (lady) void of understanding”. Prov. 7:7

“Others may, I cannot. ” Dr. William Kumuyi.

A living village girl is better than a dead queen. The former is just a statement curled from the long upheld Bible truth that “For to him (or her) that is joined to the living, there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead Lion.” Eccl. 9:4. Nobody is more literate than the grave. It is known that most things that go down six feet do not return. Those who pride themselves of evil fail to know that “the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell”. Prov. 9:18. “He (she) goeth after her (him) as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks (beaten); till a dart strike through his (her) liver (poisoned or dead, earning a hard lesson); as a birth hasted to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. Prov. 7: 22-23.

How literate we are is not measured by how we risk our lives and fiddle with death. Pre-marital sex does not give happiness; it only haunts the mind. If we draw near our graves in the name of feeling literate, it is barbaric. That a lady or guy who is promiscuous appears polished does not indicate the absence of woes. There are telltales and endless sagas about what really appears. The expensiveness of their dressing, their vagrant lives, language or big daily expenditure is not their actual value. Their best expectation would be their quest for life and peace of mind, which are sadly far from them. You are worth better than anyone who owns a classic car or turns wealthy on a promiscuous note, if you are sincere and not lazy. One other thing you need as a sincere and hardworking chap or lady is self-improvement. You must invest in yourself in the form of acquiring information and using them wherever possible. Read books on personal development and motivation or inspiration, listen to productive tapes, etc. Edify and get yourself grounded with God’s word. Employ all you can while the sun shines. You do not simply go for a “village boy or girl” because you are chaste. Rather, you are an asset. And about the bandwagon or damned wagon thing of feeling left out or lonely because “every body does it and does it wrong”, remember that the way to disaster is free and full of fun, but the end counts and that “it is at the house of the village girl or boy we stand to see the ruins on the estate of the one who was once careless but celebrated”.

TO PLEASE MY GUY OR LADY

A person who is wrong is the hardest to please, because what drives them is the wrong idea, and their end will always be sad. At times, as humans we get to deceive ourselves internally and then portray outwardly intensions that seem to be compatible with our already established mindsets in order to achieve our lusts or private goals. When this happens it does not prove a problem trying to convince the individuals concerned, but to help them. Our internal motives are really who we are and what we want to have celebrated as events or choices. It will therefore become a problem first to extricate a person from their lust (not idea) before it becomes possible to help them with their idea, because their will is always involved. In one word, while they seem to portray that they have a problem and seek assistance, they are collaborators with their problems and choose to have them so, inwardly. This is the case we have to deal with here. If you seek to please your guy or lady, it is always an established truth that you in fact, started out to please your own self in the first instance. IT IS AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH THAT PEOPLE WHO ACUSE OTHERS AS BEING THEIR LURES IN MOST ISSUES INVOLVING SEX, ACTUALLY FIRST LURED THEMSELVES – THEY WERE PRIMARILY INTERESTED, HOWEVER THEY MAY DISPROVE IT. THE INTENSIONS OF MEN ARE BARE BEFORE GOD AND ARE STUDIED BEFORE HIM AND ANGELS AS A GRAPH. CONSIDER THIS AND THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY, MAY BE IT IS NOT YOUR GUY OR LADY THAT ACTUALLY NEEDS GRATIFICATION; IT IS YOU. STEADY TRUTHS SHOULD SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS EASILY. THE ONE DESIRE FOR SEX BY MOST PEOPLE IS USUALLY WHY IT IS ALWAYS DIFFICULT TO EXTRICATE THEM FROM THEIR DESIRES, NO MATTER HOW THEY DENY, AND BLAME OTHERS ABOUT THEM.

Also, we know that it will be materially difficult for now (although all things are possible) to build a skyscraper on brooms. If one insists on doing so after examining all the architectural advice available, they will risk the huge involvement of resources they sink into such a venture. And this is always a regular occurrence with people who feel they can please their guys or ladies by attempting pre-marital sex. Probably, the truth is that these people really desire sex themselves, not just that they have a need to please their guys or ladies. If you start out pleasing a person on a decision which is faulty, you will need more effort to please them in future on other subsequent wrong decisions (including parting from you), which is always a hard task. The truth in such instance is that the person you call your guy or lady might probably not have had you as a concern, otherwise they would have chosen to wait until what is your due reserve as regular rites is conducted. If someone loves you, they should be patient with you till you are ready, the way someone will choose to wait till a particular meal of their choice is ready.

TO RAISE MONEY FOR MY UP KEEP

I have found through my studies that apart from peoples of base intents, most ladies who turned out to “societal problems” where most discouraged ones. These ladies were either insulted or neglected by peoples who would rather have cared for them, such as parents, relatives or Guardians. The pain of neglect or abandonment then led them to “do the wild or unthinkable” first as revenge to those concerned, then as a way of making money or prospering at all cost. As a fact, most of these ladies started out sincerely, on a revenge mission. Then either lust or the demands of such a lifestyle quelled their conscience. As they found it hard to keep up, they then decided to give in to whatever might have be needed to secure the money, happiness, succor or care the craved for. By now, so many ranks might have been broken and they would have soiled themselves so much that they would usually think it is not possible to return. Then they “choose to be the devils they are or which people perceive them to be” – a mentality that rather worsen their position and make them rather more deviant. They now no longer see just the offending parties who neglected them as enemies, but whoever comes their way. They become wild in evil practices always viewing themselves as condemned or abandoned people who have a wound which cannot be healed. Their tempo in evil become so alarming that they take to drugs and can do any harm to anyone who comes by, including those who give them the reward of wickedness. What is left of them is an “animal kingdom” or exceptionally morally base behavior and at this stage, they may kill easily (by aborting babies or their immoral partners) without a thought. Their imaginations are closed to anything good; they hate God (who was not even a party to what occurred to them) and feel He hates them too (when He doesn’t). They smoke and do not give a dime. They may poison any man that closes up on or wrongs them. They have now carved a picture which I call Auto Personality Card of a terrible neglect who is not also merciful in any way with which they operate in their minds. They constantly remind themselves that they are this worse model and can never be helped or show mercy. This is where the problem arises. At this point their wills would have been taken over by a psychological labyrinth (a difficult path from which to re-trace their steps) or simply put, have become controlled by spirits (I believe in the existence and activities of spirits and everyone should do so to their benefit) who would otherwise do them no good. This also happens to neglected, forsaken or confused young men. The “I am the devil” Auto Personality Card mindset keeps ringing in them till it gets established firmly and leads them to what I will term THE QUEEN X CIRCLE. At the QUEEN X CIRCLE, it is almost always impossible to relinquish from habits or drugs’ addiction. So, they keep towing this line, now not just but their reasoning or will but by some other more power PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SPIRITUAL FORCE that controls their behavior. The truth is at this point, they are psychologically impaired and need help, or they will give in to more crimes and become social misfits or socially unacceptable. I promise you there is help at any of these levels you might find yourself. If it psychologically or nervously inclined, it can be handled that way, and if it is SPIRITUAL, IT CAN BE HANDLED BY GOD. BUT USUALLY, DONOT ALLOW FEELINGS OF NEGLECT, ABANDONMENT OR SORROW LEAD TO THIS POINT. IT IS A DANGER ZONE. If you are an orphan, the worst has not happened to you. Love those who hate you when you are offended and try never to pay back, or ignore and avoid them. Where they offer threats to your life, avoid them. Choose a friend or friends who can help; not a person of base intents. Play with and pamper yourself. The world is full of friends; packets of good friends. All you need do is to find one. BETRAYAL IS NEVER AN ADEQUATE REASON TO CHOOSE TO CRASH IN LIFE. Don’t get secluded or stay apart from people. If you feel this often, seek counsel from a credible Psychiatrist, even if you choose to secretly, and a Preacher who is truthful by lifestyle and personal tenets. I assure you, you might not “have gone over the cities of Israel” (Matt 10:23) till you have found help.

Also, the underlying factor for prostitution (whether involving males or females) is always the pleasure of sex. This is a deceitful interior motive or agenda for this action. It is either these people go all out for sex to please themselves or they derive this pleasure primarily, and then obtain the money they receive as a bye-product of their real intent. No money is good enough for sex. It is death turned inside out. It may be funny to find that some ladies or guys feign helplessness or poverty while flirting and usually present the money or token they receive from this action as some good enough reason for indulging in it. According to them it alleviates their “poverty”. It is a lie. It’s hokum. What they first sought was the sex and were primarily driven by the pleasure the act affords. Every other “benefit” is a bye-product of this original intent. So, they feel inner, hidden satisfaction when they act is over. They did not need those things they get from it, they just needed it, no matter how they may argue or present it. Anyone would only deceive themselves that their sexual activities were based on poverty. It’s all a lie. It is primarily based on the desire for the pleasure afforded by sex. Be warned.

And this class of people never have it easy, with the traffic of illnesses (sometimes terminal illnesses) and unforeseen that come their way. To them, death is cheap. The act is characterized purely by hopelessness, which makes their lives short. Their lives are like one without a map or agenda, designed to meet any unexpected ill that arrives. It is the life of a whore or whoremonger - wild, dark and slippery; full of tears. You should repent from sin and make God your friend. That way, you will be secure. You must also count the cost as it’s not all fantasy with it. But I assure you, you should find the best you can ever have should you be His disciple.

OTHER CAUSES OF PRE-MARITAL SEX

“A child left to himself (herself - whether by inattention or lack of grooming or a person who doesn’t bother about their welfare) causeth shame”. Prov.29:15


PARENTAL NEGLECT

“I know you have to travel night and day to spread the gospel…But don’t let your wives neglect your children…we unknowingly sacrificed our own children. All four went straight to hell”.-as advise to Billy Graham by Ma Sunday (Wife of Billy Sunday).

Children of ages zero to seventeen are usually under the custody of parents. In our societies, adulthood is defined be commence from age eighteen or “the age of responsibility”. This implies that parents have a role in keeping or safeguarding their wards sexually. My emphasis would rather not be on how to combat the difficulties parents encounter with their teenage wards, as relevant psychological knowledge and the Bible provide help for such situations. Also, a lifetime from age zero to the teenage age is always enough time to program whatever positive ideal is expected in the life of a person both by teaching and example. This is where Muslims do better than other religions. Anybody would run with the truth they have, and every life is sustained by information available to them from childhood. Rather, my emphasis will be on parental negligence in protecting either a female child or a male one from abuse. The world is wild and wicked. Beware that anybody may take advantage of a child sexually, either forcefully or by tricks or gifts. Wards of religious people (although religion is not bad and should provide the reverse) usually fall victim. These religious people usually believe in anybody that comes their way, and unfortunately the world doesn’t operate that way. For now, we are a mix of filth and fine; trash and wheat, so beware. The question is “Who is closest to your child?” “Who takes care of them in your absence?” “Who are their teachers or service providers?” Your ability to provide answers to these questions and work hard on them, determines the security of your child. And caution should never be thrown to the wind as far as this is concerned. You therefore as a parent are supposed to be by your child and have their TRACKING BOOK (i.e. a physical list of who or where and what they are prone to relate with, go to or do). For instance, it would be funny if a parent loses contact with their child and goes looking for them in a church when they are a park lover. You are to be with them as often as opportunity affords to master their personalities and likes, and provide the care and training they need, or delegate these duties not merely to trusted but legally creditable authorities such as schools, etc. where you are limited, while keeping in touch always (receiving adequate feed-back). Your child’s influence of truthfulness and godly fear will ultimately be that transferred from you to them or their person of easiest touch (beware). And this influence will be required of a female child most from her mother, but a boy from both parents. To avoid instances of rape, the child has to be SECURED as much as possible, not POLICED. They should be allowed their freedom where necessary, and freedom does not translate as breaking beneficial rules, nor security policing or THREAT. They should also be made to understand, where they can, the need to secure oneself by all means from such unpalatable experience as rape.

CARELESSNESS

That you are grown as a lady or an adult does not cancel out the issue of rape or molestation in our world today. Everyone’s gorra fortify themselves as even the married have been raped before. Before advancing any further, you should try to be acquainted with the psychology of rape; this time of the Rapist. They are careless, violent, wild, brute and untamed and may resort to any means including killing, in order to achieve their aim. Therefore, being married and not watchful of your territory, such as where you are prone to be alone, may put one at risk. Boys or men have been raped before. This might have been from boys as themselves or girls. Uncleanness is on the surge, and you have to be wary. It is characteristic of the world we live in. The issue with uncleanness is that it breeds people of questionable patterns of sexual behaviors from a blood line. A rapist is a desperate person, who feels they have found opportunity to gratify their lusts, and may resort to any means of violence should they have one in their net. Usually, at this point, resisting them may offer a threat to one’s life (This author is not supportive of having to succumb to them should such happen), which is one reason one should never be left at their mercy. One should secure themselves as much as possible from them in the first place. Do not be careless at moving alone at late hours or without any legally permitted defense mechanism such as pepper sprays that is allowed by your government. As well, any means of security may fail but God always assures our safety. Pray always and commit your daily activities to Him before commencement, and be His friend (i.e. be saved by making Him know your sins in faith and leaving them alone). This way, you are safe. Carelessness is not an excuse for allowed pre-marital sex just as it isn’t for a road accident, whether most of the blames go to some other party or not. The truth is blames will not be adequate in curing any harm that occurs, neither as much a legal suit. A legal suit will only quell one’s grief where the harm had already been done.

At times, it is saddening to know that most persons who suffered rape themselves where collaborators, by deliberately making themselves vulnerable due to their own hidden base desire for sexual pleasure. Ladies who appear nude or dress wildly, are sex-lovers, and may actually employ these “techniques” to attract rapists, willfully. They are a Venus fly trap. We live in a world. You might be surprised that in certain of rape cases, the girls or victims, actually desired to be raped, which is enough ugly.


3
CHAPTER


ARE THE EXCUSES FOR PRE-MARITAL SEX BY ANY MEANS TENABLE?

“A wound and dishonor shall he (she) get; and his (her) reproach will not be wiped away” Prov. 6:33.

Losing is not a new game to man, but it becomes all the more costly when it involves lasting grief and life-bound shame and haunting sadness. That way, the people involved feel kicked in the belly, cheated, condemned and hardly forgive themselves or whoever was responsible. And nobody wants that.
Sincerely, when the “gains” or outcomes of pre-marital sex are weighed side by side with the ills it brings, it becomes imperative for one to completely and honestly apply their efforts in avoiding it. The eternal and lifetime consequences are far weightier than any deceptive gains they may bring. Usually as humans, we first pre-meditatively determine not to engage in it within our minds as adults who can reason for ourselves, then guard against it by all means available to us. A set mind at times may be a doomed or delivered destiny. The best thing to do is to work at gathering information, learn and groom ourselves towards our right time for marriage. The rest is a product of sacrifice in refraining willfully and the wisdom to work towards our future marriage, knowing that bye and bye by a fixed speculated date or its range, we will get married. This way we will help ourselves a great deal. Only banking on overcoming temptations with all our efforts without adequately planning for our future brings in the THEORY OF HOPELESSNESS. AND BY THE THEORY OF HOPELESSNESS, WHEN THERE IS NO HOPE AT SIGHT, YOU ARE BOUND FAIL IN FUTURE, WHICH IS WHY MOST PEOPLE WHO LEAST EXPECTED THEY COULD MESS UP, DID SO. THE TRUTH IS YOU CAN’T REMAIN HOPELESS; IT IS NOT IN THE HUMAN NATURE AND PHILOSOPHY. THE ONLY NEXT AVAILABLE ACTION WOULD BE TO BEHAVE HOPELESSLY, AND THAT IS TO FAIL, WHICH IS PHYSICALLY INTERPRETED IN THIS INSTANCE, AS GETTING INVOLVED IN PRE-MARITAL SEX, WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE IT. HOPE GETS THE HUMAN SOUL REFRESHED AND ENERGIZED, AND THAT MOSTLY COMES BY THE KNOWLEDGE THAT TRULY, SOME DAY, SOME HOW YOU WILL BE OUT VICTORIOUSLY BY AN EXISTENT WORKABLE PLAN– WHEN YOU SEE THE EFFORTS YOU’VE MADE AND HOW FAR YOU’VE GONE IN EITHER HAVING A SUITOR OR FRIEND, OR THE FINANCIAL SAVINGS YOU HAVE REALIZED TOWARDS YOU MARRIAGE, YOU WILL GET RLAXED. ANY OTHER THING DONE OUTSIDE THIS (LIKE ONLY “FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS”) IS HOPELESSNESS AND WILL LEAD TO FAILURE.

CAN PRE-MARITAL SEX BE RIGHT IN ANY WAY?

“He hath showed thee, oh man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” Mic. 6: 8.

The wounds involved in this sin are endless. However, if you are a victim, hope is not out of sight. God loves you. He cares for you and is willing to restore to you much more than you lost, and make you a vessel in His hand, as well as plant you in His Kingdom and house forever. Summon courage and ask Him to do so now. You will never forget how refreshed and new you will become. God cares for you – and needs you for the best you can be, as you are! You only need to hand over the rest of your life to Him now. Pray; He will hear your words now. Then, get ahead, study the scriptures, reading often Proverbs chapters 6 to 8. Then serve God in any way you can or in any true fellowship you find. You will never believe who you will become.

Solomon compares the act of immorality to getting willfully down to hell and having a dart strike one’s liver, which literally means death. THERE IS NEVER A GROUND GOOD ENOUGH ON WHICH TO ENGAGE IN PRE-MARITAL SEX, BECAUSE IT IS A SIN TOWARD GOD, AND BECAUSE THERE IS NO RESPONSIBILITY OR COMMITTEMENT FROM BOTH PARTIES. THEREFORE, YOU CAN EASILY BE DENIED. SHOULD ANYTHING SERIOUS SUCH AS A TERMINAL ILLNESS OR PREGNANCY CROP UP, YOU WOULD HAVE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES ALONE BECAUSE YOUR “ORGANIZATION” OR FORUM OF RELATIONSHIP IS NOT DEFINED OR ACCEPTABLE BY A FAMILY OR THE LAW.


4
CHAPTER


HOW TO OVERCOME PRE-MARITAL SEX

“Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food (meets her aim or achieves her goal) in the harvest” Prov. 6:6-8.

THE VICTORY MINDSET

During the rescue operation for persons trapped in a high building caught in flames, if someone is on say, the 134th floor of the building and has not yet been caught with by the flames, the safety of such will be solely based on their ability to remain patient till the arrival and help of the rescue team. If they act ill-advisedly by jumping from that height, they risk their lives for whatever reasons they may have, including inconveniences and the threat of the flames. Similarly, patience is needed in all we do. Anyone would still be counted irresponsible if they did all and still failed at pre-marital sex. Therefore, the reasonable thing to resort to would be to be patient. In this planet, we work at what we desire. You may be surprised that lesser creatures and feeble ones like ants and conies are the spared the effort of working. Therefore, humans are nonetheless spared this requirement in all life’s endeavors. The desire for chastity must also be worked at. We are not spared the effort needed at work, be it mental, physical or spiritual. It is rather true, that the grace of God makes our work easier when we depend on Him for help. Certain people shut down their brains and go to sleep simply because things get working out physically. This is wrong.

One way by which this is done is by having the “with God all things are possible” mentality while we live. Absolutely, as truly as it reads, this word of God will work word-for-word for anyone: WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Have this mindset. All does not depend on work, else most persons would be wealthy. The grace of God or His support is the only grease that will help reduce friction on the wheels, nuts and bolts of your mental, physical and spiritual machinery. Nothing more can do it better. When we ignore God and set out alone we sure fail. So, believe God can help you stay away from pre-marital sex, and follow every other recommended step.


PREPARATION:
WHAT TO DO WHILE WAITING.

“Wisdom is better than weapons of war” Eccl. 9: 18

“He (she) that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his (her) sheaves with him (her)” Psalm 126:6.

“Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage”. Matt. 22: 4.

You should know that your capability to be patient cannot be infinite, except you have taken the oath of celibacy. What therefore to preoccupy your mind with at this point, is to work towards raising funds and all needed resources for your marriage. There is no such thing as ONLY WAITING OR “ONLY FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS”. THERE CAN’T BE ANY SUCCESSFUL BLANK WAITING. YOUR MIND MUST BE BUSY WITH YOUR TARGET WHILE YOU ARE AWAY FROM IT TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND KEEP YOU FOCUSED AND STEADY. You should not fold your arms to wait while time ticks or you will put yourself at a worse end with temptations. It is better you know something is going on a little at a time than to have nothing done at all. Even if you don’t have money, get the suitor or friend. If you don’t have a suitor or friend and don’t have money, put at least a dollar in a safe. It should become a psychological boost to you (And we should smile with you that you have started planning for your marriage). Let be that it is just a dollar, it will occupy your mind with thoughts of making up, and that is “BUSYNESS” and is a sign of commitment, whether you are female or male and feel or not that you should marry soon. Doing nothing at all prompts and programs your mind towards HOPELESSNESS. It is comparable to loading an aircraft with fuel (by implication, your highly inflammable passions) and starting out with no destination in mind or map available. It will ultimately lead to a crash at some unexpected place when the fuel (the ability to secure your passions or control or restrain yourself from sin) is finished, NO MATTER HOW TRAINED A PILOT YOU MAY BE. Because, you are started out goin’ no where! But let’s say you had insufficient fuel (as people’s emotions can fail them), but had twelve maps of various stop-over stations where you could re-fuel, including that of your final destination, your risk should be minimal. All you would need do would be to watch your fuel gauge and decide where else to re-fuel before continuing. Preparations give our minds a re-fuelling energy. Each achievement, be it financial, securing a suitor or friend, or whatever (like putting only a dollar in a safe) are like stopping over at re-fuelling stations, and will refresh your mind and energize you, and strengthen your mind for your last destination or goal. Let say all the races (physical running) you have to do in your lifetime were compressed into a single event with a Referee monitoring with a whistle, most people would die, simply out of suffocation or loss of energy. Your lungs would burn no matter how strong you were! But we have to be grateful to life that the pieces of this “event” are spread into our times of play, events, urgencies, rest, relaxation, etc. when we are most relaxed with no stress whatsoever. This is how God by wisdom solves our problems most times – by evenly distributing them. Just as you as a person would never be worried about all those disparate running you would do for your lifetime, similarly, you would not be helpless in coping with the challenges your passions or bio-chemical stimulants (i.e. the hormones estrogen and testosterone fuelled into your system) as an “upset” or “distraction”, bring up to your mind, simply by an approach of preparation and consistent responsible involvement with that FINAL GOAL OF YOURS, YOUR MARRIAGE. So, get working at your marriage each step at a time till you arrive there. You will most certainly find that involving your mind without any space left undauntedly with the preparations for your marriage, obtaining regularly partial achievements of that major goal, will work wonders in delivering and keeping you blameless from pre-marital sex. Best wishes.

START OUT EARLY
I once watched a lizard catching insects. It opened its mouth wide, then grabbed the insect with its tongue, swallowed it, then waited for another turn. What the lizard did is called “timing” and is most relevant for attaining all life achievements.
Start out early enough in your preparations for marriage. Everything is life is time-dependent. You certainly will not make it if you run out of time or time gets against you. And does time get against people? Yes, of course. Life is like a game. In fact, it is a divine game. And like all games, it is seriously time-rated. Time is valid in all you do on the planet, from your introduction to it till your departure. There is no doubt about this. Therefore must learn to burst your problems early enough, so that they do not stop. As is known, most peoples who come this way fail to make it because of problems. Problem hang at times, like heavy weights on the lives of peoples, dragging them backwards, slowing their progress and hindering their destinies. You must not allow that. Never wait till its all fine. Take action now; time waits for no man. The clock would still tick if one died without achieving their destinies, goals or desires. Set out early enough in handling your problems whatever they may be. Don’t just be hopeful. One’s earthly hopes are only relevant if they are achieved within a time frame or a lifetime. It is not enough to dream; it is enough to dream and take action on time! Action! This is the greatest word in the world. Those who act fast enough succeed. Those who don’t, become the casualty of time. This will never be your portion. Should you have a problem –whatever it may be – whether spiritual, health, physical, financial, SEEK HELP EARLY ENOUGH. THAT WAY, YOU WILL NOT BECOME LIKE A DRIVER WHO’S GOT KNOCKED OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE WRONG LANE. HERE, TIME MATTERS MOST AFTER GOD. A MISFIRED ARROW IS MOSTLY CERTAINLY ONE FIRE AT THE WRONG TIME AND THE WRONG DIRECTION, AND YOU SHOULD NEVER BECOME ONE. PEOPLE FAIL MOSTLY NOT BECAUSE THEY LACKED RESOURCES, BUT BECAUSE THEY FAILED IN THEIR TIMING. UNDERSTAND THAT THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE A SUITOR OR FRIEND EARLY ENOUGH OR GET FINANCIALLY READY IS ESSENTIALLY BASED ON TIME. TIME IS ALL YOU’VE GOT OUTSIDE YOUR GOALS, DREAMS, GOD AND DESTINY. IT IS ONE MACHINE THAT BRINGS THE MOST JOYFUL EVENTS, AND THE SADDEST ONES, IF YOU DONOT PREPARE AHEAD TO PREVENT THEM. BE SURE YOU USE TIME RIGHTLY. GOD EVEN WORKS WITH TIME. IT IS NEVER ENOUGH TO SET GOALS WITHOUT GETTING ‘KICKED’ TO PUT IN PLACE THE MACHINERY RELEVANT IN ACHIEVING THEM. HURRY! NEVER WAIT. THERE IS ALWAYS AN ACTION GOING ON, EVEN AT REST. Whether you are delayed by sickness, still use time well. I will not forget the times I had to write while groaning under the pains of sickness. I had no option – I had to use time, lest it slipped and got lost. If a time expert does not have great goals, it is estimated that they will be successful at the end of their lives than one who had lofty ones but never started out or used time well. For one, what is the use of lofty dreams without fulfillments? They are no better than Michelangelo’s abandoned works, and are little better than golden eggs that one forgot to use as condiment in an already baked snack. No matter how golden they may be, they did not fulfill their purpose, period.

GET THE GUY OR LADY

The minds of most people in developing countries are akin to believe that they need money more than everything and this idea of theirs usually leads to mis-directed approaches towards securing it, or losing it and every other thing else in their goal. But that isn’t true. There is no reason, for instance, why a lady between the age brackets of eighteen and twenty-three should not have a suitor, whether they have money, a job, are schooled or not (which should primarily be due to their lack of preparation or “dressing” their lives). It is only saddening to note that people of these brackets and above usually have their minds harassed, whether hypocritically or sincerely, whenever marriage is discussed, which is a problem on its own. The truth is, you must be ready! It should be a source of gladness if a prepared young lady at sixteen who has got all relevant requirements, such as her own finances put in place, is approached for marriage by an equally responsible and prepared suitor. While the major reason why most circles and religious organizations would insist on a set up on this age is to boost the psychological preparedness of intending couples which can only be gathered by experience, and would ultimately make them mature in handling issues related to family life, it is only an ideology that these ages are not suitable for marriage. You should be sure that your situation does not determine your decision or you would become a slave in life. The size of a sore would only scare its owner about every thing else and not some other person who’s got none. And it should be their palaver and stress to bear. Stop being unduly afraid! It is the highest sign of immaturity never needed in the marriage union. While I pray for Africa and may not be understood now, some day my point will be clear. Rampant cases of broken homes in developed countries are basically caused by a lack of godly fear arising from an abuse of convenience and comfort, and spiritual causes. If those young peoples understood that the fear of God and His partnership are immense at all times, and that OUR MINDS STILL HAVE TO BE AT WORK WHILE CONDITIONS ARE COMFORTABLE, the divorce maps that point to heaven always wound land at 180 degrees flat. And that the spiritual is seriously at work is why any other marriage of older peoples say in their thirties’ could still fail. Let’s take guards spiritually. Having all the condiments for a meal not yet prepared will do more good and enhance its speedy readiness, despite the absence an oven or source of heat for immediate preparation, rather than going out to buy at the late and odd hour.




ADD VALUE TO YOURSELF

The value of yesterday is nothing compared to today’s policies.


It is almost imperative that to be anybody in today’s world, you must repeatedly keep adding value to yourself. By this the author means that you keep on making yourself important by the second till you become irresistibly invaluable without stop. There is no extent to which you can be done adding value to yourself. It is like breathing in, you can not stop except you want to die, or in this case fade. Your worth becomes so strong that you can’t be ignored (albeit to the right people) when you keep doing so. Anthony Robbins did this and became a top short in America. It will only take from you a little convenience, but its merits are fabulously great. The first thought which would readily come to most ladies on this would be on how to keep their physical personalities attractive by all means. Unfortunately these people don’t attract anyone at all – they only make towns to lust and become lawless, while they fail in attaining their goal of finding a suitor and getting married. Physical upkeep as much as it is relevantly required is far less than what is required and by the LAW OF ATTRACTION. BY THE LAW OF ATTRACTION, YOU STAND TO ATTRACT BASICALLY WHO YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE AND NOT WHAT YOU APPEAR LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE. I USED TO TELL MY SISTERS THAT THE BEST PLACE TO PROVOKE A HYPOCRITE IS IN THE MARKET, BECAUSE AS A RULE, THEY WILL ALWAYS FIGHT THERE. IT IS THEIR INNER STUFF THAT BETRAYS THEM. And that means more work should be done on your speech, your reasoning, your temper (temper can not be managed; it can only be dropped and helped by the Word and Spirit of God) your talents, your spiritual development, approachability, intellect, virtues, and self management or self-control. If you have virtues, people will love to approach you and be your friend. However, the serious thing with them is that they should never be faked or that should amount to future problems. See a list of virtues in Gal. 5: 22-24. Why not spend a little time to speak to God on adding virtues to your life this week? They should add glory to your life if you have them. What people need of a container, which your body and fanciful appearance depict, is the content. So, work on your inner self in bringing your mind to a standard that can not be cheap to come by. And each time you do, you will find that as a rule, the deepest, best and most profitable addition you can make to yourself is spiritual (settling terms with God and becoming His lifelong and eternal friend by salvation through repentance), because our spirits or the so-called “subconscious mind” which influences our mental and physical output is actually a true reflection of who we are. If we settle differences with God and are not plagued by guilt or settling on the lines of disobedience, as we repent, the Spirit of God comes into our spirit man or “sub-conscious minds” and strengthen and help us through the dark and rough terrains of a nearly termed “spirits’ world” of ours, which is rampant and full of spiritual activities. And truly, since we are who our spirit man or “sub-conscious minds” are, we get energized and strengthened to meet life’s demands including successfully preparing for a profitable marriage.

ADD FINANCIAL VALUE TO YOURSELF!

To a poor man, everything is costly –Pastor Ola Olu-ojebouvboh

There is no question to whether a woman or man needs money; the truth really bothers on whether they have it, have it right and use it properly. So, whether you are a lady or guy, you need money. I challenge the ladies most especially to acquire and save money for their marriages, because it not be all rosy when you settle down or plan with who finally becomes your suitor or husband.
Money is important in all we do. Whether you are male or female, you need money. Money physically translates as possessions, goods, services and physical comfort. Where it is missing, suffering becomes inevitable. Infact, the ladies must plan ahead financial by saving what they can, because the much upheld idea of meeting a “prince” who has it all does not really hold in an industrialized or information age. In this age you gonna work for your money; you nil gonna pick it somewhere, and should you be such a promissory prince, heaven mercy on you if you gorra be nasty in spending you inheritance. The truth is, there is hardly inheritance these days to the teaming rest of the world – kings just gorr’ about vanished to t’in air. Religious peoples, who don’t pay attention to details, often deny the value and place of money, but these are the commonest set to beg and appear impoverished, because they do not know the truth. These people no sooner learn, albeit the hard way, that money has an all-encompassing place in human existence on this planet, against their wrong convictions. Don’t be like them, because they simply invite frustration to themselves. You garra gid money! Ukay? Get things balanced to live a balanced life. When you uphold and garbage in the wrong ideas into you mind consistently, you are making plans to become a failure. En God burst dat! It is not a crime to secure enough money for you life and marriage as an unmarried lady. I find most ladies are scared of this and got informed that by this way, they will become avoided by men. Honestly, I feel those men should be poor men. You have not become such an insecticide yet – just get money! ANYBODY WHO IGNORES THEIR NEED FOR MONEY WHETHER BASED ON PHILOSOPHICAL, RELIGIOUS OR WHATEVER IDEAS, USUALLY GET FRUSTRATED. Say that you get the money right and it is okay. Be informed that whether you are religious or not, life in general requires money. In a nutshell, religious people also feed, live in houses of theirs or rent them, dress, have daily needs and problems, need to train their own children – this is where every other lie gets knocked out because “money answereth all things” ( Eccl.10:9), and “the love of money (or greed) is the root of all evil: which while some coveted
after, have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1Tim. 6: 10), not money itself earned justly.

How do you get money? That is the question that readily comes to mind. And here sellers and savers do better than buyers and top spenders or spendthrifts. People get money by working for others, borrowing, inheriting (which rarely ever is the case) or on the worst sense, steal or defraud others, which is evil and a crime. But these two words are timeless and important at all times – “buying and selling”. You might be surprised that if you have any product at all to sell, there are buyers in the world who are ever ready to buy. These people seek to exchange their monies for a good or service which they need, and which is provided by you. That means, we may possibly not need money to make money. If you hone your talents enough to the point of using them as services or transforming them into products, YOU CAN MAKE MONEY. SIMPLE! You can sell them in return to people who will be ready to buy them. Also, you could work to earn money, but the truth is that secular job is not all that available, so my advice to you here is to make the best use of your DEVELOPED TALENT. Acquire skills through learning and use them to develop products that can be marketable. Money does not just appear. Only those who involve their minds, make money. Also, where to make money at times may be the most dishonorable and despised (but not sinful) places to be, which is why some people do not and cannot make money, because they shy away from such places and honest albeit, despised or physically “dirty” deals or activities. If you have money, most physical, physiological, psychological and spiritual needs of yours will be handled, and that way you can conveniently plan for your marriage. Get on; don’t waist anytime.

5
CHAPTER



WHY DO PEOPLE MARRY LATE AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO AVOID THIS?

Late marriage has become a characteristic of our times, and it is not without reason. It is characteristic of our economies and how people plan their lives generally. It has become the mindset of young peoples, especially the males since they cannot develop their own formidable economies while their national economies fail, or plan their lives early enough.
The following are the reasons for late marriage.

LACK OF FINANCES

To a poor man, everything is costly – Pastor Ola Olu-ojebouvboh

A person’s independent financial status or those of peoples around him or her who can offer to help, is responsible for late marriages. Mostly, since the funds for your marriage have to come from you, you would inadvertently usually postpone your marriage, if you do not have financial resources. And this is a trap. What you should rather do, is to work on your finances, so as to raise adequate money for the running of your wedding, relevant marriage ceremonies and your future family. Men, mostly dread to hear this, but it is inevitable. The earlier you do, the better you should be well- positioned to getting prepared for marriage. The sooner you plan and come to terms with, and practically work out your finances, the better. Sit down and work out means on how to make money, and see how to achieve them within a range of time in a workable, viable business. That way, you will make income and raise a good enough financial base for entering into marriage.



THEY HAVE CARELESSLY TAKEN THE OATH OF CELIBACY UNADVISELY

“Forbidding to marry” 1Tim. 4:3

“Be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools” Eccl.5:1

Most young people are not certain about what to do, or have taken the wrong decision in this area, and need to be guided through or helped. Failure to get well informed as relates this may either lead to a lifetime of frustration or a sudden, but late understanding of that which should otherwise have been done.

This point has to be taken seriously, because it can mar a whole lifetime and can set in much confusion in a person’s life.
There is so much hypocrisy going on in the world today. I pray that you don’t become a victim. Some are even forced to take the oath of celibacy or are made to undergo this as a condition for priesthood or service for God. But these same “eunuchs which were made eunuchs by men” (Matt.19:12) live in frustration, often resorting to mental lust, masturbation, homosexuality, bestiality and all forms of uncleanness, to satisfy their urges, instead of keeping to the tenets of their vow. It must be clearly understood that the oath of celibacy is a strictly a voluntary decision, and that should be understood before accepting, and should be taken by reasonable adults that are born naturally that way, or understand the full consequence of what they’re goin’ in’o, nat children: “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thy heart be hasty to utter anything before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few... When thou vowest a vow unto God, DEFER NOT TO PAY IT, for He hath no pleasure in fools: PAY THAT WHICH THOU HAST VOWED. BETTER IS IT THAT THOU SHOULDEST NOT VOW, THAN THAT THOU SHOULDEST VOW AND NOT PAY. SUFFER NOT THY MOUTH TO CAUSE THY FLESH TO SIN, NEITHER SAY THOU BEFORE THE ANGEL, THAT IT WAS AN ERROR ( A MISTAKE): WHEREFORE SHOULD GOD BE ANGRY AT THY VOICE, AND DESTROY THE WORK OF THY HANDS? Eccl 5: 2, 4-6.

“My son (daughter), if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a stranger, Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth. Do this now, my son, deliver thyself, when thou art come into the hand of thy friend; go, humble thyself AND MAKE SURE THY FRIEND (PERFORM YOUR VOW).Prov.6 : 1

For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, AND COUNTEST THE COST (COUNT THE COST!),whether he have sufficient to finish it?...Or what king, going to war against another king, SITTEH NOT DOWN FIRST, AND CONSULTETH WHETHER HE BE ABLE WITH TEN THOUSAND TO MEET HIM THAT COMMETH AGAINST HIM WITH TWENTY THOUSAND?OR ELSE, WHILE THE OTHER IS YET A GREAT WAY OFF (SOMETIME IN THEIR LIFE WHEN THEY REALISE THEY CAN NO MORE BEAR IT), HE SENDETH AN AMBASSAGE, AND DESIRETH CONDITIONS OF PEACE” Luke 14:28-29, 31-32.

Anyone taking the oath of celibacy should understand what a covenant is. There is no problem with the law; the only outstanding “frustration” or “failure” of the law to achieve its set purpose, is in the inability of its devotees to keep to it fully. Fire on its own can be very useful, but the problem would lie in the inability of one devoted to managing it, should it become a destructive inferno.
Usually, nearly all those who take the oath of celibacy do so rashly, and do not consider the weight of what they pick upon themselves. While there have been peoples in human history who kept faithful to this call, God has never in anywhere in scripture laid the oath of celibacy as a condition for serving Him. Most of these peoples who do so and fail to live up to requirement, are those who are not well schooled in understanding, but are driven by THOUGHTLESS ZEAL AND EARNESTNESS, who also soon discover they can not cope with the demands of this oath and get frustrated or mess up. They are “eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men” Matt. 19: 12 . The practice of humans making eunuchs of men (or women) is not new to men, and was conceived mostly be ancient monarchs or worshippers as a means of either raising up devoted armies, servants, or worshippers, which is the reason why “St. Valentine” was killed for defaulting. But this practice has often met with frustrations, as the object of man’s original needs as engraved by God in his (her) biological or mental constitution keeps coming to play. Most of these eunuchs abuse these vows or consecration. However, if you are a “eunuch which (was) so born from (your) mother’s womb” OR (WHO) HAVE (SINCERELY) made (yourself a eunuch) for the kingdom of heaven’s sake”, I congratulate and encourage you to stand firm in your calling or disposition, because “with God, all things are possible” (Mk 10:27).

The only problem often encountered in wrongly deciding to become a eunuch, is the regret often associated with such decision. Also, societies including religious circles only get to be more immoral where there are compromises, which is always as a rule, inevitable. Most young peoples, who went this way, because they did not have all the facts available to them, but were driven by unevaluated passion, usually realize it late. Also, a vow of celibacy made to God, is binding for life. You should seek counsel where you seem confused and retrace your steps quickly, as it is known that most people who took this vows, DID NOT DO SO TO GOD IN THE FIRST INSTANCE, BUT WERE MOVED BY RELIGIOUS IDEOLOGIES AND REQUIREMENTS. NOTHING SHOULD BE WRONG IF YOU STOP SO FAR AND GET MARRIED, IF THIS IS YOUR CASE.

THEY ARE SHY OR THINK MARRIAGE IS SINFUL

The gap between a fool and a wise man is wider than the ocean.

A child would soon be betrayed by their ideas.

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but (not when) I became a man (woman)”.1Cor. 13: 11

“Brethren, be not children in understanding…, be men (women)” 1 Cor. 14: 20
I feel that this idea puts its blame at God for “the first mistake” of making you a woman or man with sexual organs in the first place. The caution not to be engaged in pre-marital sex is a warning against an ABUSE, NOT USE. AND YOU CAN ONLY USE A THING WHEN ALL ESTABLISHED CONDITIONS OF USEFULENESS HAVE BEEN MET. SO IF A THREE YEAR OLD SITS IN A COCKPIT AND WAVES US BYE-BYE, WE MAY WAVE HIM ALSO FOR THE LAST TIME, BECAUSE HE MAY NEVER RETURN DUE TO INEXPERIENCE OR LACK OF SKILL. THEY SHOULD NOT BE RELEVANT IN A FLIGHT DECK. THIS IS AS FAR AS THIS TRUTH CAN HOLD: THE INEXPERIENCED OR CHILDREN SHOULD NOT MARRY, BECAUSE IN THIS MATTER, THEY ARE LIKE QUACK PILOTS, AND IN MARRIAGE, QUACKERY IS NEVER PERMITTED. ANY PRE-MARITAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A BOY AND GIRL, INVOLVING THE DERIVATION OF SEXUAL PLEASURE, WHETHER MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY, IS SIN.

The rather embarrassing situation is when girls or guys of sixteen or more, feel haunted, harassed, or cringe, feeling they have are committed sins when marriage is mentioned. It is true that marriage is for the matured. But you should all the same be prepared if you within this age bracket. If this is the case, then there is danger. The psychology of it offers that SUCH PERSONS WHO SHY OR FEEL SINFUL WILL EITHER MARRY LATE OR WHEN UNPREPARED. While it is one’s duty to keep their hearts from sinful thoughts with all diligence, but YOU WILL ONLY PROVE THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN THIS ASPECT AND HAVE BECOME GUILTY BY EITHER LUSTING OR ENGAGING IN A SINFUL ACT, IF MARRIAGE OR THOUGHTS OF IT GET YOU SCARED.

You can never shy away from reality. “Marriage is honorable in all”, (Heb 13: 4) and not a sin (provided what is expected is done). You are only betraying yourself by your feelings or are a fanatic, when you say so. It is rather a sin for you to remain unmarried when you should, but involve in pre-marital sexual activities. Get that settled. Neither does shying make you honest if you are of age to marry. You should rather be careful not to shy away from opportunity when it comes, because at times, it comes just once!


SICKNESSES

I happened to be a victim of this myself and know how anyone in this situation would feel. But the truth is, your sickness does not condemn you, you may rather be the one condemning yourself. When you condemn yourself, you place a load on your mind which hinders it from working properly. I am sorry that the world may not be kind in attending to you as expected in this area. You may need so much attention due to your state but never find any. Besides, nobody may decide to get all your marriage expenses paid; it seldom ever happens, regardless of whatever you may be encountering. I am waking your mind to reality. This does not mean they are wicked; they may only be busy with what calls life places on them, attending to their lives to see how they can make it, because they too are not spared the struggles of life, although they are healthy. You are not to feel bad when they do not show enough care. Turn your eyes to God; He will answer most of your questions. Do not give in to situations; have the “never say die” attitude at all times. You owe yourself a responsibility to be happy always. Choose a friend; a profitable one – the world is full of friends –
Good friends; maybe you have not found one yet. All sadness and grieving over your state will only escalate and elongate the existence of your problem. And usually, a problem outside the head is better than one in the head. When your problems are viewed from an external point by you, they do not compress your mind. Thoughts of suicide and packing up are those of a failure – and I know you don’t want to become one. A discouraged mind is like a car with a knocked engine in the race of life. If you give into this, you will get towed away – and that will not stop the sport of achievement. Seek spiritual and medical health as much as possible. Do not say that one of them is not important – both are. And incase your ailment is terminal, only God and any scientific, redemptive knowledge available will secure you help. Life is like a journey, and the engine that brings events is time. YOU ARE NOT HOPELESS WHILE YOU LIVE, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, BECAUSE TIME BRINGS ALONG WITH IT, OPPORTUNITIES. ONE DAY, THINGS WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. HOLD ON AND NEVER GIVE UP. YOU WILL ONE DAY BE REMEMBERED COMING COMMING THIS WAY AND LIVING SICK, BUT GRABBING THE VICTORY BANNER AND SENDING THE SIGNALS OF A CONQUEROR ALL AROUND. THAT THEN AND MORE WILL BE YOUR REAWRD DESPITE YOUR PRESENT PAIN. IGNORE THE PAIN AND MOVE AHEAD WHILE PRAYING AND SCOUTING FOR MEDICAL HELP. SEE YOU AT THE SUCCESS LEVEL. ONCE YOU ARE THERE, EVERYTHING IT SETTLED; YOU WOULD HAVE AT LAST BECOME A CHAMPION AND BE NO MORE FORGOTTEN FOREVER!

THEY HAVE NOT FOUND AN ADEQUATE CHOICE

I advise anyone wanting to marry to pray first. This way, divinity will be involved in what are doing. The world is in clutters and you will only make the wrong choice if you are careless and leave God out of your plans. The rest, which is a desire for a particular kind of person, will either be determined by God and His providence. But God will not do all for you. Refusing to take otherwise necessary steps towards your goal will only leave you sad. You are a god and gorra use that brain of thou’s!
What should be the proof of your godship if you fail to use your brain? Always looking for a particular specification (which may not always turn out to be available, sadly) may become a major obstacle for some in getting married. Although you are to deeply love the person you intend to marry, you should not allow the whole of your decision to be based on physical attributes, since some people can beat all these attributes but may be lacking in that simple word – CHARACTER. It is rather appalling as I have come to note, that the strongest asset of ladies who may be termed as “not pretty” is CHARACTER. The otherwise “BEAUTIFUL” at times forget to work on their CHARCTER, by getting deceived that THEIR BEAUTY IS A DEFENSE. THIS IS NEVER TRUE.

THEY NEED A TALK OF THE TOWN WEDDING

Certain people over-prepare for ceremonies more than they do for their marriages. While it is quite adequate to plan for a reasonably colorful wedding, it must by no means be your stop in seeking to marry. With your little means, you can plan and achieve a great wedding and a beautiful marriage. Do not seek to have the hit money that will give your wedding all the ceremonial ingredients of a wedding. This should by no means stop you.


PARENTAL AND EXTERNAL INFLUENCES

While we must respect and honor our parents, our marriages are ours and ours to manage and tend, not theirs. We should firmly understand this truth without any bias whatsoever. If we listen to them to the point of making mistakes, the mistakes will be ours to bear, not theirs. Also, it is a sign of immaturity to have most of your decisions come from your parents or others at adulthood. Therefore, we should not allow parental or external influences such as mentorship or friendship determine who we marry or what our marriages should be like. They are our own “ship”, not others’, and ours to manage. When they do, we are no more in control of our lives and will crash. But if we gain control of our decision-making towards our marriage as adults and allow only relevant and profitable advice from third parties, we stand to gain.





SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES

“But know this, that if the goodman (good woman) of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he (she) would have watched, and would not have suffered his (her) house to be broken up” Matt. 24:43

The realm of the invisible is real – Amos Fenwa

The world has become so slippery that it is funny to note that AS A RULE (IN MOST CASES), THE PEOPLE WHO ENGAGE MOST IN SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES AND ARE STAKEHOLDERS OF THIS WORLD AND ACTIVITIES, DENY THEIR EXISTENCE TOTALLY. IT’S ALL A SCAM. That people of certain parts of the world or races do not believe in the existence of the spiritual, is only to their hurt (And I thought I first found the words “witch” and “wizard” in the English dictionary? So, the elite world, also know what I am referring to). The truth is that contrary to popularly upheld views that ignoring spiritual entities makes for the ineffectiveness of their functions is a LARGE AND LOUD LIE. If you had better come to terms with the truth that what best to do to your opposition is to identify and blast on them out loud, you should sooner realize a glorious future. While a lot of peoples may choose to put their ears in holes about this topic, I make bold to say that witchcraft activities are responsible for the chaotic and marred, present state of the world. Darkness is responsible for anything evil imaginable in the universe. I am not a philosopher, so I will not swerve into the haggles on THE SOURCES OF EVIL. EVIL HAS ONLY ONE SOURCE BY DEFINITION – THE DEVIL, AND ALL his HOSTS OF CONFUSION, JUST AS GOOD HAS ONE DEFINITION AND IS FOREVER ASSOCIATED WITH OF GOD. AMEN. No questions will really be relevant than to listen to the truths experts afford in this field. There are such things as a hindered destiny, a veiled glory, an oppressed star, a wrecked dream or livelihood – they are not film tricks. At this period in human existence, humanity should have become acquainted with these truths and use them advantageously. Some other effects, activities and persons are responsible for certain ills that you experience! NOT ALL PHYSICAL EVENTS ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR BY PHYSICAL CAUSES – BEWARE! These causes exist beyond the technicalities, kinetics and physics of physical existence. They are such things that are beyond the extents of sound, radio and electromagnetic waves, sizes of quarks, electron waves and atoms – are imperceptible by the eyes or physical organs; AND NOTHING PHYSICAL CAN HANDLE THEM. Whether you are black or white, purple or pinkish, you are not excluded from the effects of their nefarious activities. The fact is, those who go to sleep dismissing the validity of this truth, are usually their cheapest victims, where they are not as the honest truth, part of them. Brace up, something is at stake. Your life needs your attention. Are you born again? Do you have the Holy Spirit to help you overcome these spiritual elements? Decide now. It’s not impossible or late to repent and define your squad.
SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES ARE LARGELY RESPONSIBLE FOR LATE MARRIAGES, ILLNESSES (AS MUCH AS MEDICAL CAUSES ARE VALID, INCLUDING HYPOCHONDRIA AND ITS LIKES), UNTIMELY DEATHS, ACCIDENTS, VIOLENCE, POVERTY, FAILURE (AS MUCH AS PHYSICAL PARAMETERS MAY BE HELD AS REASONS), FRUSTRATION, AND ANYOTHER CONFUSION OR EXPLICABILITY. THEIR STOCK IN TRADE IS DAMAGE; NOTHING LESS. THE ONLY WAY TO BE COVERED IS NOT IN VOODOO, BUT IN REDEMPTION AVAILABLE THROUGH CHRIST, AND THE POWER AND DEFENSE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. People fail and get frustrated generally, because spiritual activities geared against them hinder them, regardless of any physical reason that may be behind their failures. Marriage is one of those places where people are hardest hit. FOR INSTANCE, IT IS COMMON SOURCE OF LAUGHTER IN THE DARK COVENES AND CONFINES, TO SEE HOW VERTICALLY STRAIGHT THE DIVORCE GRAPHS OF THE WORLD IS GETTING EVERYDAY. YOU MUST BEWARE OF THIS TRUTH TO ENSURE YOUR SAFETY. YET, TRULY SPEAKING, SPIRITUAL WARFARE OR ISSUES ARE NOT FOUGHT WITH PHYSICAL STRENGTH, WISDOM OR MACHINERY – THEY ARE ONLY FOUGHT BY SPIRITUAL WEAPONS REFERED TO AS THE WORD OF GOD OR “THE REPROOFS OF INSTRUCTION (WHICH ARE ) THE WAYS OF LIFE” (PROV.6:23), CONTAINED IN THE BIBLE, OBEDIENCE TO GOD’S WORD, AND RIGHTEOUSNESS – IN THOUGHTS AND PHYSICAL LIVING, IMPLYING “ CLEAN HANDS, AND A PURE HEART” (PSALM 24:4) – WHICH HOUSES OUR SEEN AND UNSEEN MENTAL DEEDS, AFTER WE ARE BORN-AGAIN AND QUICKED TO SPIRITUAL LIFE BY GOD’S SPIRIT.
YOU MAY GO NO FAR IN LIFE THAN WHO YOU ARE OR REALLY REPRESENT IN THE SPIRIT WORLD, DUE TO THE HORRORS AND HOSTILITIES BOILING AND COOKING THERE, WHICH AFFECTS ALL MEN REGARDLESS OF RANK OR GROUP. THERE IS NO POINT CRYING; JUST BE BORN AGAIN. YOU WILL NEVER RISE BEYOND WHO YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY. This is why so many destinies have been destroyed and delayed NO MATTER HOW THESE PEOPLE TRY. DELIVERANCE WILL ONLY BE EFFECTIVE IF YOU ARE SAVED. CHOOSE TO LIVE FOR GOD AND WIN. THAT’S THE BOTTOMLINE, OR YOU MAY ROAM IN CIRCLES – THOSE WHO SUCCEED OUTSIDE OF THIS WISE AND GODLY PROVISION KNOW HOW THEY DO SO, AND WHAT THEY EXPECT IN THE RETURN AT THEIR LIVES’ END.


6
CHAPTER


HOW LONG CAN YOU WAIT BEFORE YOU MARRY?

The answer is “how long can you adequately prepare for your marriage?” For most people, the process of waiting before marriage gets unbearable, because they do not prepare for it. If you make a commitment to prepare financially, physically and otherwise, you will not feel helpless because you will know that no matter how long, you will definitely get there. But you will only get frustrated if you are waiting without preparation. The result of this can be sad and prove your whole effort abortive. So, hurry, prepare, put money together, and see how you can get ready for marriage. Only the hopeless take the wrong decision. So, don’t be idle while you wait. Prepare adequately to get enough resources for your marriage, in order not to get there frustrated. Thinking you are too young at the age of sixteen is all a lie. I should congratulate you in absentia when you have reached your goal. Best wishes. Stay blessed.



CHANGE

God makes you and you pay no charges.

The room for change is the biggest of all.

The general term for all the transfers, fine-tuning or improvements, “off-loading”, “loading” and “re-loading” you have to make to get your life suitable for marriage come under the term “change”. When you change positively, you get suited and adaptable to the new zone you have to occupy. There is always a part of you that needs positive change or improvement. You will either need a change or simply an improvement or advancement. Don’t get outdated. You will only be if you feel you’ve got all. The room for change is the widest ever. Someone else must have gotten the latest edition of what you currently have and yours might have become outdated or old school. And that way you put yourself at the worst end. Change – rather than remain where you are – it will help. Change will always step you upward. Or you may just wake one day to discover you have become an old prophet with no truth whatsoever, because you failed to keep learning. Improve on who you presently are and you will find it easier to get adapted quickly to marriage, a suitor or a friend, or any situation at that, when they come. There must be an area of your life that is obfuscating and needs improvement. Find out. Ask questions. Are you still shy or embarrassed by thoughts of marrying? Work on that. How many books have you read on marriage? What do you know about people of the other sex, frankly without any base motive? These and more should bail you from any unforeseen situation you will meet ahead. The good thing about reading is that when we read materials already handy, we don’t need to fall into or repeat the mistakes the authors, a generation earlier or some other people had made. Cheers, I love you reading. I should see, or admire you most when next you stand side by side with your bride or groom, at the alter, and have a wonderful marriage. Cheers. You can make it!
























7
CHAPTER


HOW TO PREVENT PRE-MARITAL FRUSTRATIONS.

Certainly, pre-marital frustrations arise for the person yet unmarried. The burden of these frustrations rest mostly entirely on the virgin or the person who is honest to themselves in never resorting to other means to satisfy their urges sexually, which is an adorable, lifestyle. However, wisdom is profitable to direct. This means wisdom makes one’s work or task easier. The married, except the hypocritical will tell you of the healing, loveliness and satisfaction derivable from sex. But that is because there are there. Sex is good – for the married. But the virgin or sincere and chaste unmarried person will encounter difficulties in staying away from this natural medicine or gift of satisfaction. The reason is simple: they cause it. How? By unduly prolonging the time they finally experience it, which is the same as when they marry. The question then is “how have they been prepared for marriage?” This question or truth will certainly haunt you and will make your pre-marital time a frustration, if you do not give heed to it. Usually, as a consequence, frustration will ensue, which will lead to finding one in a serious fix of whether to keep chaste, masturbate or fall into the temptation of pre-marital sex.

“I AM HOLY: MARRIAGE IS A SIN”
This is almost an entirely ignorant statement arising from a hypocritical mind. Yet, I have found so many adults, at times of ages within twenty five and thirty debating blindly on this issue. And how certainly they go no where! I want to help you clear your ignorance or fears that anybody with a developed puberty, need not torment their minds and run into future complications, by vividly planning, preparing for and expecting marriage. The earlier you do so, the better. The battles ensuing from constantly keeping away from sex as a person with a developing or mature puberty in the mind are more than a world war – AND ARE NEEDLESS. ABSOLUTELY. Due to this, so many unmarried persons succumb to the pressure, which is wrong. You are like a person who has kept away from drinking for days, while still having a bottle of drink at sight. You are not holy if you are scared of marriage as a mature or developing puberty-experiencing adult. It is rather ignorance built on false fears and misconstrued definitions to think so. Infact, you can be no more holier than God who made man to have sex. Sex in marriage is good. It gives you a relaxed mind, nurtures you and cures worry naturally even in the so term unspiritual or unreligious folks.

IT IS TRUE THAT VIRGINS ENCOUNTER FRUSTRATIONS

Absence from rightly approached sex as an adult, keeps you famished and frustrated. This is to a degree the reason for so many complications and hypochondria among virgins and chaste unmarried peoples. That however, does not suggest pre-marital sex. In certain cases, they do not think and respond rightly and so get wrong results, because they have unrelaxed or unsettled, unduly stretched minds. Therefore they seem to be at quarrel with themselves and highly temperamental, because of the constant mental stress involved in their self-denial and overcoming temptations. There is no such thing as ignorantly or blindly “fighting temptations”. There is more than that, and that is satisfaction. Rest is good after labor, so enjoying sex after a long while of keeping away from it is a reward and is highly recommended for the adequate functioning of the mind. I can bet you, that when you marry, most people you view as enemies will become friend. Most goals you pursue will be easily achieved within a blink of a n eye or simply discarded as unreasonable because of the asset of a relaxed mind at your disposal. Its benefits are immeasurable. You need it. And you can only get it through sex in marriage.

DREAM ABOUT MARRYING
Every human goal in life ultimately becomes reality by the indispensable first step of dreaming or visioning. This involves seeing mentally an acceptable form of what you need and enforcing it mentally as yours. When you’ve got convince about the satisfaction you will derive when you attain them, you have well gone over the problem of not having them at all no matter how you’ll try. A dream or vision is an open door into your future. Although this makes for only about five percent of what is needed for the achievement of your goals, you would have set the ignition on for the rest of the steps.

MARITAL DREAMING: YOUR DREAM MARRIAGE.

You must be able to see with your mind’s eye, your fellowship and union with a person you love and trust, and who does same to you or more, steadily and consistently till the mental vision becomes acceptable and snapped to your mind as real. Marital dreaming will not make you get into immoral fantasies, since it is a desire based on pure, genuine love. You should see that person always by you, playing with, soothing, comforting and assisting you, till your mind accepts that message. When your mind recognizes this activity, it will understand that you are now suitable for marriage, and the law of attraction will begin to set in. You then go on to focus on how the courtship period will be, the day of the wedding, where it will be and how gloriously it will be. You see yourself in the midst of an ecstasy with people joyful with you, with your wedded spouse by your side, the number of kids you end up having, and so on. This is dreaming, and is vital in ever becoming married.

PLAN STEP-WISELY FOR MARRIAGE
All is not done when you dream. Like I said, dreaming accounts for only five percent of what you really need to do. The rest will be DEFINITE PLANS AND ACTIONS IN FORM OF ACTIVITIES YOU WILL CARRY OUT AS A COMMITMENT FOR WHAT YOU DESIRE SINCE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING”. This involves saving, loving someone and getting attracted to certain qualities in them, approaching their family or parents to talk about it, meeting a pastor to share your interest, and showing love to them. It also includes, knowing what it should cost to hire a venue and spend for a full-fledged wedding. These step-wise plans are the only reasonable thing that will take you there other than dreaming. Apart from them, dreaming is a mere wish, and can fail. Dare to dream, plan and work consciously to get married.

FIX A LIKELY DATE FOR YOUR EXPECTED MARRIAGE
It si highly recommended that you fix an expected date for when you want your marriage to take place, or for instance when you wish to talk to a lady or have a guy. Measurable goals are known to have this ingriedient without which all goals are static and may not be achieved. Your time will set an expectation and motivate you at achieving it.

EVALUATE YOUR PROGRESS
You will know how close or far away you are from your goal, by checking if you have achieved the individual sub-goals involved in its overall. Were you successful at having a suitor or friend? Did you gather enough money that can buy a gown or host a wedding? These questions and many more will propel and assure you that your goal is attainable. When you’ve done this, you are almost set to marry. Only keep at it progressively. And nobody loves you like on that day of marriage and afterwards. See you then.










ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joy Sun is a contented Speaker, Preacher, Teacher, Balanced Thinker, Spirit-guided Christian, Born-Cryptologist, and a non-imperialist Leader in the style of The Holy Spirit. This one-time twelve year old Preacher offers you insight into what next steps could make your life great.

ABOUT THE BOOK

HOW TO KEEP AWAY FROM PRE-MARITAL SEX AND STILL LIVE FRESH is a new and unique approach to the questions in the minds of most unmarried peoples. In this master piece, the author takes you through a whole new lane in surveying what may be the likely causes of pre-marital sex, hints you on how these obstacles may be overcome without stress, so you can live fresh. Hopelessness and its effects are completely ruled out with its attendant consequence, which is failure. Probably, you may not just need to “fight temptations” only. There is much more to engage in to keep your life vivacious while you wait, with absolutely no stone left unturned.

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