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Missed The Train To Yuma

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Summer storms brewing

Within the August sky

You were to be my rainbow

Not my premature demise.



Some will sell their soul

Just to play the game

So forgive me

For denying fame

An uncomfortable charade

Made for flaking out

Of this glaring spotlight

Before being declared

Infamous

Or worse insane

By this sickeningly fickle crowd.



Once vast and renewable

Now, a scarce resource

Past his prime

So you may have to dig elsewhere

For that diamond

That shines brightly

Not rough around the edges

Refusing to compete with

Swirling forces

Too powerful to put

Up an aggressive

Let alone a fair fight

For, I want to be your blessing

Not your blight.



The light now dimmer

Than the holy glimmer once

Emanating coyly from the

Angel in white

Preferring black

Why remaining a repressed secret

Too traumatic to be told.



Yet the past

Feverishly buried

We thought dismissed

With prejudice

Stewing in revenge

Hijacking our innocence

Believed to be impenetrable

Becoming wounded doves

Saturated in sin

Torpedoed by resistance

To forgive

Emotional treachery

Unable to find sanctuary

Til we're fated

To be decimated

By the twilight

Of a harshest winter.



Thought I witnessed

Late autumn of 22

A damsel in distress

Who intuitively knew

I was cursed

By a savior complex.


Yet you never requested

To be rescued

By a hero flawed

Instead

Drawn hypnotically

Into shell shocked eyes

Once consumed with fire

With embers dying

Like the rest

Of this "Tall Tale"

So cleverly kept inside.



Frantic state of emergency

Tracking your scent

With instinct scant

For you

Behind each tree

Under every rock

Within every trauma possessed.



Damaged saint

Unrepentant sinner

Or dreadfully ordinary

I'm unequivocally a horror story

Too unsettling

To read

Too depressing to be seen.


So instead of tossing

Or burning to smithereens

This overwritten ode

To your love unrequited

In a desolate sea

I'd rather cloak myself

In cryptic symbols

Sighs spoken in code

Instead of being gunned down

In cold blood.



Whether worth the effort

I'm much too old and jaded

To survive the wreckage ahead

And defend against

The barbs envious

Sure to fall

Like an ax

Splitting our hearts

Between May and December.



Riddled with bullets

Your rejection

The silent assassin

Arrived long before

I summoned

With a blank check

Pain the signatory

Without the collateral

To get out of the way

Allowing them to operate

And be stitched up

Not as quite new but

Just enough to be

Used again.



Sprawled on your doorstep

Out of my head

A desperate attempt

At a bold statement

With nothing to lose

Save a reputation

Deemed specious.



But you damn well know

It gets so cold

Out here in the desert

Coyotes howling in the distant dark

The soulless searching

For that spark of holy inspiration

But the ride glorious

To a paradise

Cancelled cause

Pride extinguished

The candle

When you blatantly refused

To be emotionally intimate.



Crazy remaining an understatement

There's a gaping hole

Where common sense used to roam

As I'm continually

Gliding on the flimsiest evidence

The presiding judge has ever known.



Despite all the red herrings

Slotted masterfully

Into this mystery/noir

Too many years away

From being hailed

As a timeless classic

Too many plot holes

That need to be filled.



Whether inspired

From a higher source

Or under duress

I never guessed

I would be

Your loose end

The recipient of

A most shocking twist

A dagger thrust

Into my sunken chest.



It would be a relief

If we stopped this pretense

And kissed like we always dreamt

Two reformed but unrepentant virgins

Uncertain of the unknown

But trusting each other

That the journey will be as beautiful

As the first time we laid eyes

Upon each other.



History will reveal

If we're destined

For a second look

Instead of a quick glance

Or better off left alone

Exiled to individual islands

On different parts of the globe.



Visionaries exploring

Uncharted territory

Or mindless drones

To complacency

A nomadic heart damaged

Grieving from loss

Will eventually need

To heal

Imparting forgiveness

Before departing

For that mansion in the sky.



Alas, the outcome won't change

My words never been in vain

The stain present long before

The cracks began to show

Waiting to be jolted by a surge

Of spirit

To decipher

Your impetus to whether

To come ashore.



I refuse to go with the flow

Nor extinguish the glow

That barely registers anymore

In a mind so brilliant

Yet reluctant to search

As to where

And why your heart froze.



Seagulls fly silently

Over the ocean crystal blue

Hearing their squalls

Strangely reminding me

Of a refection

I saw in female form

The internal storms

Too powerful

For one courageous soul

To conquer.


So instead of falling

Deftly into my arms

Swaying beneath the desert moon

Repeating our names in rhythmic swoon

You were swept away

By the tempestuous currents

A beauty buried somewhere

In the same desolate sea

I reluctantly call home

Very Deja vu

There too I'll soon

Discover my symbiotic

Place of rest

With or without you

The former unlikely

Latter most true.


Already missing you.




P 5/19/24

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