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The Pain of Feeling Alone
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The Pain of Feeling Alone
It's another Christmas, but what is Christmas? The birth of someone, but in the current reality, Christmas means an excess of gifts, feasting, especially in a country where people are increasingly without a plate of rice and beans on the table, in a country where flying around with suitcases full of money stolen from the INSS (Brazilian Social Security Institute) to communist countries, and where, in exchange for the exploitation of rare earths, Magnitsky's Law is once again extracted from the worst of Brazil's tormentors?!
This is not what I thought Christmas was.
Christmas without forgiving myself, without the family truly reunited, the false people, long-time friends, most blinded by a corrupt government.
And children, without giving me the necessary value, or me giving them the necessary value.
Time is passing, and I can't take it anymore, only getting disappointed, people can't see "The Total Man..." Title phrase from Albino Aresi's book: The Total Man and Parapsychology. And now I'm listening to Rosa de Saron, and I don't even know how to trust myself.
Every day I ask more for death, a faithful friend who has been with me since birth, didn't want to take me on the day I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck.
I know I've made mistakes, I'm not a hypocrite like so many who go to church, are coordinators of couples' groups, men's rosary groups, tithers, who tell a woman to shut up, and who want her to die.
Well, there's no need, one day I will leave... I will leave only texts yellowed by time, children, whom I didn't raise well, I ask forgiveness from the Environment for that.
And I see that Christmas is a day of hypocrisy, because historical accounts don't match December 25th, but men made it so.
And, as machismo reigns in churches, the current pope, and so many from the past, burned women at the stake who were merely practicing alchemy in search of healing the wounds of their fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons who were going to war. And, to this day, the church has not apologized.
Not to mention, what is the Bible really, if each segregation interprets it differently?
And, Jesus, doesn't he drink coffee, does he eat a little bacon? And, at Easter, why not eat meat? What is the purpose of all this?
Christmas and I want to hide behind what I write, and I deserve nothing, only to be erased from the pages of life.
São Paulo, December 15, 2025, listening to
11:57 AM
Teka Mendes Castro, just a dreamer who wants to be a writer and environmentalist
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